Pearls Before Swine.

I need to quit this cycle I’m in.  I complain and worry and wallow and yell and withdraw.  I’m surprised my family and friends have never looked me in the face and told me to stop being such a wretched person.

I just left a blog that has griped my heart and won’t let go.  The author of the blog lost her 3 year old daughter in a horrible, preventable accident.  Every time a picture of her daughter was posted, my heart ached because I felt like it was my princess.  I can’t even imagine.  I want to scoop up my babies and hold on to them forever.  I feel so horrible for not cherishing them every second of the day.  I think I’ve fallen into a “can’t see the forest for the trees” mindset.  I spend the majority of the day just making sure we make it through and the rest of the time harping on “woe is me b/c of all the responsibilities I have.”  Gross. I make myself ill right now.

I’ve got to get it together and stop wasting time.

Maniac

I didn’t write this but I wish I had.

Eyes wide eyes bright
She lies , she lies
Her smile lights up his eyes
But she lies , she lies
the devil is deep in her kiss
She does a dance on his soul w such sweet careless bliss
Its just a game She wants a part of him
Sad to say He’d give her a limb
Shes high on thrills
Next second she’ll plead for pills
Her affection keeps him blind to his misery
Hed rather bleed than just break free
She nourishes him
She destroys him
Her dr. Hyde has crept in
The mind of a maniac on an anger binge
She’s broken but he luvs her
She’s broken and he hates her
She cuts just to feel
Closes her eyes behind the wheel
Watch her scream
Watch her smile
Watch Her laugh lasts for hours
Then it stops just to all go sour
She breaks his heart and his face
Pathetic and Torn he can’t break from the crave
Eyes wide eyes blank she’s not there
Her smile lights up his eyes but she’s not there
Tears stream down his cheek
He might just die from the words she’ll never speak…

-Audra Lynne

Cold Case – The Road

Want a good cry?  Watch Cold Case episode “The Road”.  The song at the end is so sad – “Come Home” by One Republic.  Breaks my heart to think about that little girl missing her mom and the agony of the mom missing her baby.

Homeschool Progress Report Grade: F+

I am in a crazy state of wanting to get everything organized around here so that I can actually sit at the end of the evening and not stress about all of the things that still need to be done.  I am in a very bad pattern of ending my night by wandering through the Internet until 2 or 3 am (it’s 2:20 am right now.)  Going to bed seems like such a waste of time when I could be working on “things.”  To compound my stress, tonight I have been searching homeschool organizational tips and I have found a few blogs that make me feel like a total loser in terms of how I am going about homeschooling.  I am committed to studying the following blog inside and out until I can emulate this generous blogger’s dedication:  Trivium Academy.  She writes such thorough and insightful posts regarding her homeschool experience.  I hope she doesn’t ban me on account of my stalkerish viewing patterns.  I think I am most disappointed with myself because I am was a certified, experienced teacher.  I can write lesson plans for 120 students without even thinking twice.  How come I can’t get it together and create a stellar system for one child?  I can’t let my decision to pull Paige out of school turn into more of a disaster than her wasted time in public school.

Well said, Spidey.

“Sometimes … to do what’s right … we must be steady… and give up the things we desire the most … even our dreams.” – Peter Parker

Something a little random for today.

Click here to create your own painting.

I can see clearly now…

the rain is almost gone.  Things are looking up.  Besides, who can be depressed and grouchy when you have this adorable face to look at each day….

02/16/08 – Landon’s first official haircut

What’s on your bookshelf?

Last night I came across a blog which is a showcase of home libraries. Everyone is welcome to post a description and picture of how they store their books. It is a fascinating site to me because a) I LOVE books, b) I love seeing the inside of other people’s homes, and c) I daydream about having a home-library/office. I just need one of my kids to move out.

Several of the posters use LibraryThing to catalog their books. I tried it out today and it has a lot of neat features. Neat if you love books anyway. I have only had time to enter a shelf or two of my books but it’s nice to know I have something to do when I want to avoid actually working!

Here’s a link to my library catalog:

Last one for today…

Digital Scrapbooking

I have had a digital scrapbook program (Scrapbook Factory Deluxe) for a while now and, as of last night, hadn’t used it yet. I bought it so that I could still play with my pictures without having to drag out all of the supplies. Now the obstacle is finding time to sit at the computer and work with the program. I had a few minutes last night so I experimented with one of my favorite pictures of my two-year old. Here’s what I came up with (the possibilities are truly unlimited with this program.)